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KEEPING TABS?

08/25/07 - 06/18/07
06/14/07 - 11/28/06
11/28/06 - 08/06/06
08/04/06 - 05/11/06
05/09/06 - 04/10/06
04/10/06 - 02/22/06



Saturday, September 13, 2008
04:11 p.m.

I feel like I've been holding my breath for you for the past three days. You're all I think about, the only thing I imagine. Mysterious person with whom I will probably never talk to again. I keep sitting here, hoping, maybe, you'll reappear, but I'm sure that's not the case. I wrote you off six days ago and I feel horrible for it. I keep imagining you'll just re-appear, I keep telling myself If I just wait it out, you'll come back. Will you?

You are the lovesick feeling in my stomache I wouldn't trade for the world. Please come back to me.



Saturday, August 16, 2008
05:11 p.m.

For some reason, transgender [FTM or MTF] always make me feel comfortable. It's almost like a kind of sincereness to them, that most people do not have. It's a type of "proudness" that just radiates off of them; glowing almost. I found this video while searching along the internet for stories and whatnot:


[8 Year Old Boy Returning To School As A Girl]



My thoughts are as followed:

1)Okay, so who's idea was it to put a "unisex" bathroom in a gradeschool?? I really don't see the point in that, when girls' restrooms have closed in stalls. To me, it's just a waste of time, and who the hell else is going to use that restroom?? Kids, beleive or not, are perceptive, thus resulting in some sort of issues for the young lass. Maybe i'm just being a bit cynical, and over protective. Regardless, a TRANSGENDER female student should be authorized to use the FEMALE's restroom. Hopefully, if the girl's parents are that approving of it, one would think they would change other legal documents as well. I would, anyways.

Regardless, I'm sure some body would have something negative to say to that (see thought #2) which would be the usual hypocrites who LOVE fuckin' telling other people how to run their lives - and this is why the unisex bathroom most likely exists.

2) Tell that fat fuck of a middle-class bastard to shut the fuck up. K. Thanks.

Any thoughts?



Friday, August 15, 2008
09:43 a.m.

I'm watching Oprah this morning. Today's show is regarding people who can't lift their head above the poverty threashold, or people who have to stretch just to make it. These people, who can't find jobs, or work multiple jobs to barely scratch by. It puts a sick feeling in my stomach to think I have a pretty good job, and I never really struggle with things financially, but sometimes I just don't want to deal with the bullshit at work that I deal with on a daily basis. I hate busting my ass up front answering the phone, getting people checked in, getting people checked out, scheduling appts, dealing with emergencies, and answering questions all at fucking once. On top of that finishing the routing phonecalls in between the rushes of chaos. Sometimes, I just want to pull the phone(s) out of the fucking wall. I think what it's like at other hospitals, and I think how I COULD be happier elsewhere. Maybe you bitches should help me with the phones before I strangle somebody. Then I think how petty and trivial my thoughts are. I'm good at my job; I know this, and other people sure as hell know this. Sometimes I don't want to be. You dig?



Sunday, August 10, 2008
06:32 a.m.

I'm still fucking exhausted from Friday and Saturday. I can feel it in my entire body. Ugh, it makes me feel like a this:



Friday, August 8, 2008
09:56 p.m.

Work slayed me today. I work 11:57 to about 9:30 with no break. I really didn't have much of a choice because it was so goddamn busy. I just kept going. Going. Going until everything was done, and I just wanted a goddamn cigarrette. I'm sore, exhausted, and I have to be at work at 7:00AM. Goodnight.



Friday, August 8, 2008
10:45 a.m.

Friday's always bring me anxiety. Sometimes I wish I could just pour all my trivial worries out into someone's who more capable of handling them. It still doesn't help things that this happens to be the beginning of the working week. D--- and I agree it's not actually working itself that's the issue - it's getting to the point of working. The light quality just dimmed, and I feel a rain coming on - or at least clouds rolling by.



Friday, June 27, 2008
01:33 p.m.

I have to get ready for work.



Friday, June 27, 2008
01:28 p.m.

I've been on a Sims 2 rampage again.



Wednesday, April 30, 2008
11:55 a.m.

Yesterday, when I woke up, I had this amazing idea of getting a haircut before I started my final shift for the week. I went in to the usual hair place, hoping this certain woman wasn't there. Now, this lady I like to dodge around is rather heavy set, and somewhat crazy. She wears wigs all the time (Think Shirley Temple), and has what appears to be a cleflip.

Anyways, any time I go in to get my haircut, she has this way of not doing what I want her to do. Instead, she does what she thinks will look good. In conclusion, my hair just looks the same. I paid her fifteen dollars (plus the ususal five dollar tip) for a few snips and being sprayed by a water bottle. Regardless, it's not all that bad. It looks the same, only choppier.



Tuesday, April 8, 2008
01:37 a.m.

It's been almost 3 days since I've seen D---. I've been working constantly, and I'm feeling physically ill. Fucking Christ, I miss him so much i'm not able to function.



Sunday, February 10, 2008
11:06 p.m.

I was on the couch today, eating a sandwich and stuck in my own trivial thoughts about the day and how it concerns with me. Well, in our living room (and just about every room in the house) we have those white, verticle blinds that the cats love to squeeze themselves in between. Anyways, I turned to my left and there was the moon peeking through, crescent and pale. My shoulders relaxed, and it made me feel that my life wasn't such a big deal. Things aren't such a big deal.



Saturday, February 2, 2008
11:47 p.m.

Well, I've been working my ass off. Seriously, I've think I've lost a bit of weight, but I'm not really complaining. I should actually be asleep because I need to open the hospital tomorrow. I've actually spent my last few months sleeping, eating, and working. Now you know where I've been.



Tuesday, December 4, 2007
11:18 a.m.

Note to self:

-Work is not my entire existence.
-Mistakes are inevitable.
-Grow a backbone at work.
-Have fun.



Tuesday, November 27, 2007
02:55 a.m.

I'm not ready to let go of my weekend.



Monday, November 19, 2007
08:22 p.m.

I'm sure it's been a pretty long while since I sat down and decided to record my thoughts and worries that twirl through my head. I guess maybe it's because I'm usually too tired, or just to too wrapped up in my own head to really sit down and pour my heart onto something that people usually just scan through (if even that).

Let's start out by saying that I can't see out of my left eye, and it sucks. I tore my contact on Friday and it was the only pair I had left. This really wouldn't be a problem if my genes hadn't cursed me with the sight of a fucking bat. Everything's blurry and clear at the same time, and it makes me feel like I'm dreaming. It incapacitates and frustrates me at the same time. I also have this nasy cat bite on my left hand that pains me everytime I pick anything up or stretches my fingers out.

This cat bite came from this cat I rescued from work (I work at a pet hospital now and I do enjoy it most of the time [It is quite stressful]). His little crossed, blue eyes and his little half tail made me quite weak in the knees. I couldn't bare to see him in those glass windows that people merely glance at. I took him home, and thus, Clem and Simone were pissed. It doesn't help that he gets over stimulated pretty easy (or just over excited) and sinks his teeth into my hand.

Anyways, I need a same for the bastard, and I'm not sure. should anyone stumble across this entry and have an idea for a cross eyed, stumpy tailed adult cat. Let me know.



Friday, September 28, 2007
10:45 p.m.

I finally picked up all the goddamn clothes that were scattered about across our bedroom, and cleaned up a bit. I'm sick of lounging around and allowing myself to just take up more and more space. I'm frusted that I can hardly walk to 7/11 without my leg bothering me in some sort of way. I need to exercise and I need to get my head back in order. I also need to drink more water. I'm also thinking about chopping off my chelsea if I can figure out another haircut that might suit me. I get so bored with things so quickly.

I'm an ever changing entity of unlucky weirdness.



Tuesday, September 25, 2007
02:27 p.m.

All day yesterday and today my right side of my skull has been pulsating in pain. I'm not sure if I was elbowed in the right eye while I was asleep or not, but it kind of feels that way. I'm particularly not excited to show up at work today, but then again who isn't. Especially with this pain all I really want to do is call in all the bloody time. Even if I did, I'd just sleep all day and feel even more out of it than I do now.

That said, I had a pretty awesome weekend. Early Sunday I went with my other half's mother and took pictures of all these hot-air bolloons take flight. Different colors and shapes, expanding and slowly rising up into the clear blue, and the smell of propane. We actually hot to hop in one and feel what it's like to to leave the ground in a basket. I'll post some pictures once I get my brain situated.

Later on, D---, his friend (and his friend's wife and kid) took us bowling, which we haven't done in three years. We love bowling, even though I'm positive I'm definitely not a professional. I'm just a sucker for the rumbling sound when the bowling ball hits the pins.



Friday, September 14, 2007
01:05 a.m.

Now, I don't really consider myself racist. I mean I like to think of assholes as assholes no matter what color you are. Especially this one fat cunt (and I do mean rather fat) bitchin away at me on the phone, only to show up after closing and continue to bitch more. I did tend to take more of a smile to her, and I think it was rather funny to have a life-size Mexican weeble wobble try to bitch me out while I'm sitting rather casually on the curb with my work-comrade, K-. She's only lucky I didn't simply let her walk over to the entrance of the store and have her dissapointed by a locked door.

Continuing on, We're still watching The Sopranos and I do recommend it for anyone who has the patience and the time to sit down and watch.



Tuesday, September 11, 2007
10:34 p.m.

It's my last day off and I've already had two bowls of ice cream. I took a shower and have just been kind of blah all day. I'm thinking maybe I should make something nice (but dirt cheap) for dinner tonight, that is, if D--- will take me.

He's still all sore about his mouth, and it's still a bit swollen. Fuck, I'm not sure if it's swollen because of the tooth extraction or because there's still another tooth that's fuckin his shit up. I hate the fuckin dentist. I hate dentists in general. They're like the fuckin used-car salesmen of mouth health. Fuckin exploitive asses.

Fuck it, I'm playing fuckin LOTRO.



Monday, September 10, 2007
11:15 p.m.

I'm lucky I have family to fall back on. I'd be fucked if I didn't have them (and I mean ROYALLY fucked). My weekend's been goin pretty good except for D--- and his poor mouth. Blood kisses and sensitivity, but I still love him more than ever.

It does help we've been spending time together for the past three days and we still have a full day tomorrow before I go back to work. We've really gotten into The Sopranos and have been watching it avidly since we borrowed the first and second season from his mother (who, might I add is the raddest mom in the world).

I don't have much to say, dear readers, and it's probably because I say what I need to in my head.



Thursday, August 30, 2007
09:52 p.m.

I took a loratab before I went to work today, and all day I felt like a rush of water but in slow motion. All in all, today was rather blah and I'm still kind of in the blahs at the moment. D---'s getting pissed because he can't find the remote, but instead, finds a washed ink drawing I made at work on the floor.



Thursday, August 30, 2007
03:35 p.m.

I'm always amazed at how much blood seems to pour out of me one week out of every month. My panties yesterday had looked like a fuckin massacre had occured in them and someone forgot to clean up. It's a really terrible feeling, until you come home and rinse them in laundery detergent, cold water, and bleach and take a nice hot shower.



Tuesday, August 28, 2007
02:35 p.m.

It's the beginning of the working week and I'm not sure what the hell to expect from it. I'm hoping I go in today and it goes fairly smooth and I don't get majorly pissed off and do something that's going to cost me my job. Anyways, I should be fine. I just know my stomach's killing me right now and it's probably nerves.



Tuesday, August 28, 2007
02:07 a.m.

Today was actually one of the better days I've had so far. C---- and I went to this record store called Zia's Record Exchange, which I had never been to. It's apparently one of the few record stores left in Las Vegas, and one of the few hang outs for the "hipsters." Rgardless, it was a fairly neat store, and it reminded me of Soundwaves towards the downtown district of Houston.

I picked up an anthology album of the Au Pairs and a few old, random 33s which had a neat little sleeve or the designs/color on the vynil. I'm actually excited to pull out the record player to hear what they sound like.



Tuesday, August 28, 2007
02:03 a.m.

Check.