I'm glad I checked my mail today. If I hadn't, my phone would have been disconnected. They gave me an extension, but that means I must pay the other amount three days after. Rent money is dwindling and is being sacraficed for someone's past due health card. Here I am trying to do the math, attmepting to figure out how I can swing rent, the past due phone bill, and still have money for food.
Christmas? I have no clue. I tried calling to have someone to talk to, but no one's home. I don't want to call my grandparents for money, but I feel I'm on my last leg here. His tips aren't going to cover 0 for rent. I don't make enough to cover it, and my last check is missing one day. My stomach hurts, and all I want to do is make all of this go away. I want to fix it, but then again I don't. In fixing it I know what needs to happen, but I don't want to stick my neck out for it. I don't want to make that call. I want someone to tell me it's okay. Someone. Anyone. Please.
Oh, my stomach.
Date/Time:Friday, November 24, 2006/11:22 p.m.
I'm so jazzed about what I'm going to get my other half for Christmas. However, for paranoid reasons I cannot tell you what they are. Still, I'm so jazzed!!!!
Date/Time:Monday, November 20, 2006/02:34 p.m.
I'm so tired I want to puke.
Date/Time:Sunday, November 19, 2006/02:03 p.m.
Well, well, well...
I went in to this flowershop that's inside this military base a few miles down to inquire about a job, and the lady (the manager) was a complete bitch. Fuck that. She wants me to call her next week because she ran out of applications? No way, not after experiencing that level of glibness. If she makes me tense for that small amount of time, imagine what I'd feel like for however many hours. Besides, apparently they're only looking for part time. Anyways, I called this place that's along the way to my floral design class and they seem friendly enough.
So it's like this:
I've got a wad of ones sprawled out on the table; there are a few counted in stacks of twenty, most counted in tens, one counted in eleven, and another is what's left over. There's not much, but we have the car insurance covered. He's in the other room on the phone, while I'm reflecting on his sincere but casual plea not to go through his wallet any more.
"It's creepy," he says while he walks out for a brief moment then walks back in the bedroom.
Once again, I ditched History 101, and I'm feeling guilty for not feeling guilty. ...And my stomach growls.
Date/Time:Monday, October 30, 2006/12:57 p.m.
Why did they take off the best show in the world?? Why??
Date/Time:Monday, October 30, 2006/12:35 p.m.
My head doesn't feel right. I feel as if I'm running a fever and everything's surreal. I ditched history, but I still have to make it to my flower design class,which I feel I'm getting worse through each week. This is not helping. Nevermind, I feel like my relationship is getting stretched to the limits,and out of desperation I'm crying, clawing, and losing my mind.
This will pass, hopefully, as all things do.
I think I'm also dehydrated. I'm on my third glass of water.
Date/Time:Saturday, October 14, 2006/08:35 a.m.
Well, it's hailing. At least it was.
Date/Time:Sunday, October 1, 2006/08:08 p.m.
I was watching "60 Seconds". You know, the late news hour with Andy Rooney? Anyways, this part of the hour: where Andy Roony celverly riddles off a current event, and makes some stegically strung together commentary that's supposed to leave the audience somewhat irked, yet not too much to really blink more than two times about? Anyways, today's current event was directed towards the spinach scare, vegetables, meat, and to most of the population (like himself) that eats meat but doesn't really want to think of the living things that meat comes from (i.e., beef and the cow). His last comparison was between the casual-meat eater and vegetarians; in his opnion, they (vegetarians) are what a civilized society should hope to evolve to. Did I mention I was stoned?
Date/Time:Wednesday, September 20, 2006/11:58 a.m.
For some reason, I'm feeling like I can' do anything. I'm feeling bad. For the past thre days, I've been eating soup (because it's cheap). Yesterday my boss called and woke me up to tell me it was 1:23 p.m., and I was supposed to be at work at 1:00 p.m. My alarm never went up so I rushed, and I was there by 2:00 p.m.. I don't know. I know half of it has to do with the person I'm living with, and the other half has to do with myself and school. You ever just feel like someone's just cut off all your limbs sand you're just a lump, laying on the floor but your mind's just racing-racing-racing?
Date/Time:Sunday, September 17, 2006/08:56 p.m.
Okay, so I'm suppposed to read this chapter in my history book. Actually, I wanted to get the ball rolling on the review questions but I just can't seem to get myself motivated. I'd rather plant daisies, re-cut flower arrangements, make soup, and wash clothes than read about things I've already touched upon all through gradeschool.
As an aside: I bought a pair of black leggings from Target, and they're fantastic!
Date/Time:Monday, September 11, 2006/11:49 a.m.
I have a dialog to share with you:
-Picture a flourescent lighted class room. Everything's a pasty white and a few children are chatting about casually to one another.-
L----: -In History 101, staring at the dry erase board-
Girl: -walks by, with a familiar anthropology book in hand-
L----: "Hey, what edition is that??"
Girl: "Oh, this is fourth."
L----: "WHAT? They lied to me! Thay said they wouldn't buy it back because they changed the edition!!"
Girl: "Well, sometimes it depends on the class."
L----: "Oh, okay. Hey, who's your instructor??"
Girl: "Uh...Ukeabu (sp?), or something like that?"
L---: "What? NO."
Girl: "Huh, why??"
L----: "She's a creationist!!"
Girl: "I know! I am too!"
Date/Time:Tuesday, September 5, 2006/12:05 p.m.
What I find ironic is the poor bastard died by getting stung by a stingray: A STINGRAY!! Apparently getting stung is fairly rare, and dying from a sting is super, ultra rare. "They" (meaning the media) said it probably wasn't from the sting itself, but from the loss of blood from being stung in the chest. That poor bastard.
Date/Time:Saturday, September 2, 2006/06:45 p.m.
Oh, dear readers, where do I begin!! How about I make a list:
-Taking History 101 & Intro to Floral Design.
-Taking the bus to school.
-Got verbally assaulted.
-Blew it off.
-Hung out with Popeye and Ray.
-Popeye and Ray are both Homeless, and good guys.
-Got piss drunk (totally fucking trashed, I should say).
-Tried to put a razorblade to my wrists.
-D--- pulled me from underneath the toilet.
-Cut up my fingers instead, had all sharp objects taken away.
-Both caught the oven on fire.
-Threw up Jekyll and Hyde (Berry & herbal liquer).
-Floor is ruined.
-Cats are eating my plants.
-Own a hermit crab named, "Marvelous."
-Bleeding from the thighs.
-Have roses on the counter that belong to the girl across the way.
-Sad they're not for me.
Date/Time:Sunday, August 20, 2006/10:04 a.m.
D---'s not home yet. He got off around 2:30 A.M. (pacific time) and it's now about 10:00 A.M, and I've still yet to receive a phone call. Oh yes, dear reader, I am worried. I'm worried, and I feel rather helpless. I also feel rather weak, and I probably already know how this situation's going to go:
Drunken word exchange on his behalf,
Oh, curse this sickness of love and responsibility.
Date/Time:Friday, August 18, 2006/10:27 p.m.
I met a man today while escaping work to fetch a glass bottled coke. He was wearing a black man wearing shreds of white clothing and even had a few peices of fabric dangling from his cap. Did I mention he also had a long rod covered in fabric to serve as his cane? He stopped me and asked if I wanted to go get a beer. I politely told him I just want to go get a coke. Coming back, he stopped me again and I stood there for nearly thirty minutes, listening to his proposition of building an airplane-slash-kite in fabric "lighter than nylon" with aluminum rods ( "Like wooden ones in a kite, but aluminum," he says). He also said he was born in General Hospital, "like the one on TV," and he wanted me to go into Arby's to get his money for his plane.
Although the whole time I was wondering if he was going to follow me home after I get off of work, I was actually glad I had the conversation. Sure, he was slightly insane, but he's a person too. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them. Know what I mean, Dear reader?
Date/Time:Monday, August 14, 2006/11:28 p.m.
Laundry, laundry, laundry. That's pretty much what I've been doing. That, and organizing all this paperwork, just stacked about: Bills, bills, birthday cards, strange letters, and more bills.
For some reason I can't get Jello Biafra out of my head. Him and those green latex gloves. Regardless, check out his website; it has good music to offer.
A little fun fact about the amazing Jello: His "given" name is Eric Reed Boucher. He also went by the names of: Count Ringworm, Occupant, Osama McDonald, and J. Lo. "There's always room for Jello."
Date/Time:Saturday, August 12, 2006/08:30 p.m.
Oh my fucking gosh, I've got the worst case of the hiccups.
I watched an R/C car race today after work, and I generally wasn't impressed with the lack of women participating in racing. Long story short: Huge dork-sausage fest. It didn't help I was getting dirty looks from the few girls that were there either. Fuck them. Fuck these damn hiccups.
Date/Time:Friday, August 11, 2006/12:54 p.m.
I woke this morning and I stepped in a wet ball of hairball vomit. Not to mention my alarm clock didn't go off at 11:50a.m. as planned, and somehow i managed to wake up at 12:22p.m., squinching my eyes at the clock (because I'm so fucking blind). Anyways, while I was picking the hairball up, I realized I didn't get any laundry done and that just put me in a pissy mood. It also doesn't help that all I feel like doing is sleeping and I know I get at least eight hours of sleep a night. Well, my head's not in a very good place right now, but I guess everyone needs their "down-time" (which makes me wonder when my "up-time" is).
In any event, I got a forwarded e-mail from my cousin and she sent me this:
Luckily that two dollars and fourty nine cents I was overdrafted didn't turn into twenty something dollars and some-odd cents overdrafted (You kids know about the overdraft fees don't you?). I felt kind of victorious about that. The thing that I don't feel victorious over is the power bill. I hate that fucking powerbill, not to mention the 9% increase that will go into effect because Nevada Power (which is our bloody power service [It would be yours too if you lived in Nevada]) decided to buy somestock from Enron, and pretty much lost all of it. Anyways, the supreme court granted their request to gain their money back through us, the reluctant customers. It's all a bunch of bullshit and who the hell knows exactly what's going into place. Big suprise.
In any event, I'm taking introduction to floral design and History 101 this term, in an actual classroom. I'm a little nervous because of the bus ride and all that entails, but I'll get through it. Hopefully, yeah?
Date/Time:Monday, August 7, 2006/10:27 p.m.
Today, I recieved my first dirty phone call from a man staying at the budget suites. Incidentily, the phone call was made three minutes after D--- had left for work, and I was preparing the bathroom for minimal clean-up. Here's how it went:
L----: -picks up the phone- "Hello?"
Phone: "Hey, do you have wet panties?"
L----: "uh...Wha? Who is this?"
Phone: "Do you have wet panties?"
L----: -smiling- "Um, noooo. Who's this?"
L----: "Mike? Mike what?"
L----: "Okay, Mike. How'd you get my number?"
Phone: "Do you want to hear me stroke my cock?"
L----: "Okay weirdo: Do you get you jollies off calling random people and talking dirty to them?"
Phone: "Well, do you?"
L----: -Pause- "Um, no I think I'm going to pass on that..."
L----: -Hangs up the phone. Then picks it up and dials.-
Phone: "Riiiing...." -someone answers- "..Hello?"
L----: "Hey, mom! Guess what??"
Date/Time:Sunday, August 6, 2006/09:32 p.m.
On August 6th, 1945... The "little boy" was dropped on Hiroshima. This was, hands down, the most devastating blow to human life (other than Nagasaki), and had possibly the most lingering damage in reference to human health and the environment. Such Nuclear warfare is very much upsetting as it is unnecessary (as all war is). Never mind the lives we have ruined, but think of the very soil that we have inhabited for centuries, and the living creatures other than ourselves. All of it wiped away with one push of a button. Now, present day, the soil is still soaked in radiation and fallout victims still (and will always) continue to suffer the ramifications of radiation and war.
This is one of the survivors who refused to be photographed or interviewed. To view more of these survivors, click here.