Wow, i feel like a train wreck right now. I'm so exhausted, but I'm not (in the least) sleepy. I should be working on the comic but my head is just in a complete, dizzy swirl. Why can't I ever finish anything??
Date/Time: Wednesday, August 22, 2007/03:43 p.m.
I do I sleep so much all the time? I'm taking my meds like I should but I sleep over twelve hours if I have time to. Are the pills even working anymore? Maybe I'm just genuinly fed up with my current situation. Who isn't?
Date/Time: Monday, August 20, 2007/11:13 p.m.
The bills are like an avalanche of wasted trees. all of this paper and ink wasted on a threat of termination. Better yet, collection notices from a hospital and not one damn good note or any hope of that kind from my mailbox. All I get are reminders that I don't make enough at work, nor do I get enough hours. Oh, being an adult is really a drag. Especially a broken one.
Date/Time: Saturday, August 11, 2007/12:15 a.m.
Well, this morning I was nuzzled up next to my other half. He told me he wanted to marry me. He's said it before, but I can't remember when. I don't care how young I am, or what shit may or has happened. He's still the only one in this entire UNIVERSE that I want to spend the rest of my life with (if not longer).
Date/Time: Friday, August 10, 2007/03:20 p.m.
I'm behind on the bills and my hours are cut back. I pretty much live on soup, cigarettes, and anything cheap that's veggie. Every morning I wake up I have this horrible feeling that slowly goes away. Yes, I'm taking L still and it's probably the only thing that keeps me in check. Well, that and D---. It's probably because this is the longest I've ever taken a break from school.
I've given a therapist a call and it's pretty much a game of cat and mouse. I just really need to get my shit in gear and start thinking a bit more positive. I know good things are ahead it just takes so goddamn long to get there.
Date/Time: Tuesday, July 24, 2007/12:35 a.m.
I had to drink a beer to settle my stomach from that damn food I ordered from this local italian place. I guess this is the last strike for that place. I was seriously sick and then it somewhat went away. My stomach still is kind of bloated and it makes me nauseous to think about fried mushrooms.
Anyways, two days back (after I was greeted by a roach on my shoulder after having my smoke break by these plants) I decided it was time to clean out my purse:
Date/Time: Friday, July 20, 2007/02:36 p.m.
I just feel rather cloudy today. I'm not sure how to feel or what to look forward to. I'm almost out of cigarrettes and I'm gettin antzy. I just took my happy pill so I should feel better once it kicks in.
I'm off to wake the other half to take me to work.
Date/Time: Friday, July 13, 2007/02:25 p.m.
It's very strange. I wake up every morning and I have this overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I admit I haven't been taking my anti-depressants like I should be. Some days I'm able to take on the world, and some days I can't even motivate myself to even open my eyes. I think it's also because i haven't created an art piece or even a sketch in about a week. It's just all cramped up inside of me, and all I can do is worry. Worry about the ten day termination notice from the power bill, and just worry about exactly what I want to do with myself.
I'm not really an ambitious person, and any ambition would be totally beaten out of me if things simply don't end up the way I want them to. I just don't have that dog-eat-dog drive.
Ah, I have to pee.
Date/Time: Thursday, July 5, 2007/05:28 a.m.
Fifteen minutes after twelve-o'-clock I was sitting at a bar for the first time in my life, with my other half, drinking nuts and berries and playing a poker machine.
Goodtimes still going.
I should be alseep right now, but I can't seem to shake this water smell from my nose. Quite odd, yes, but it goes away after a while.
Date/Time: Tuesday, July 3, 2007/02:43 p.m.
Why must cramps be so bloody and painful? While I sleep, I can feel the pain pulsate and contract. The only escape is sleep, pills, or what Gian Lorenzo Berinini expressed through the words of Saint Therese.
Date/Time: Monday, July 2, 2007/12:15 a.m.
...And you say I'm bad.
Date/Time: Saturday, June 30, 2007/01:43 a.m.
I Definitaly should be in bed right now. In fact, I should have been in bed about an hour and a half ago. I just can't seem to get to sleep. Doesn't really matter. I only work four hours anyways, so it's all good. Well, the doctor didn't reveal anything great to me. No, my leg's not healed (big fuckin' suprise).
Not really looking forward to D--- swinging me by work tomorrow seeing that my shift starts at ten and ends at two. Yeah, he also has to pick me up and wake up again at five to be at work at six. Beleive me when I say I'm empathetic, definitaly on his behalf, but how the hell else am I supposed to get to and from work with a broken leg in this horrid heat?
On a good note, my brithday is on Thursday and I can't wait! Oh, and this movie is so adorable!!!
Date/Time: Tuesday, June 26, 2007/03:06 p.m.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. The doc said during my last visit my leg should be completely healed. For some reason, ever since sunday, my knee area has been totally bothering thing me. I'm hoping I didn't do something to fuck it up. I know I really haven't been using my crutch 24/7, but that thing gets so annoying; Especially when I have to make a trip from the couch to the fridge. I mean, come on! It's only about fifteen steps in total!
Tuesday means another working week, and today is also my other half's mom's birthday. D---'s birthday is on the 28th, and my birthday falls a week after. YAY! 21 in a week and two days!!!
Work is a bit more stressful than usual, because the boss is having super, ultra PMS. It's sad because the boss is a guy. I've been working there for almost two years and I still can't handle that psycho split-personality mentality. One day he's your friend, and the next he's jumpin on your ass for fuckin stupid reasons. It makes quite a shitty work environment, especially because it's his store and HE IS THERE ALL THE FUCKING TIME! It's always a sigh of relief when I walk in and it's just the co-workers. No work-a-holic wife, or her husband, Noman Bates.
Date/Time: Sunday, June 24, 2007/10:31 p.m.
I'm pretty bored right now. I started painting, and (as usual) I'm already kind of burnt out on it. Why must I get so tired of things so quickly? Another annoying situation is that I can't find my damn usb cord for my camera to upload pictures.
Date/Time: Friday, June 22, 2007/12:05 a.m.
I'm officially bored, i think i'll attempt to wake up the other half.
Date/Time: Wednesday, June 20, 2007/03:56 p.m.
The good news is I've been back on lexapro for two days now. The bad news is that I'm out of my pain pills, and my leg has been killing me for the past two days. The logical thing to do would try to get a refill (which means having the pharmacy fax over a refill request to the doctor,they approve, then I would get my refill). The thing is that, I don't want to seem like a junkie or something seeing that with my last refill, my nurse said to start weening myself off of them.
Unfortunately, I do live with someone who is also in pain and likes to take one or two on occasions. He does argue a good point that i did get hit by a car and i will be in pain for quite some time. Oh man, what a drag.
Date/Time: Tuesday, June 19, 2007/03:58 p.m.
From: libby lemonade Date: Jun 18, 2007 2:12 PM
Did you hear? I got hit by a SUV back in May. they had to put a metal rod on my left femur to hold it all together.
I'm only working 4 hour days now. It's all good because it's pretty slow around work. You should come in one day and see me walkin around on my crutches, haha.
How are things with you??
From: Bret Date: Jun 18, 2007 7:51 PM
WHAT U GOT HIT BY A SUV. that sucks balls, i should come in and sign that cast and probably get my job back.
From: libby lemonade Date: Jun 18, 2007 9:11 PM
no cast!!! just a metal rod in my thigh and three scars down my leg.
From: Bret Date: Jun 19, 2007 1:14 AM
Then what the hell am i supposed to sign libby
Date/Time: Monday, June 18, 2007/09:42 p.m.
Well, this past weekend has probably been the most stressful weekend in a long time. It's amazing how being off your anti-depressants for a week will totally fuck your shit up.
One up side was that D--- bought me yellow roses yesterday. Earlier this morning I groomed them a bit, trimmed them down, and put them in a simple glass rather than the ugly, blue vase they had orginally came in. Unfortunately, my camera is out of batteries so I'm unable to show you, dear reader. Another nice thing about today is that I got a haircut! I'm going now for this 1920's flapper look (think Louise Brooks.) Me-ow.